neil says hi by the way

I just got back from Minneapolis, where I attended an STD Convention, and while I'm sad to be back in cold, wintry Salt Lake and back at work, it's also a good thing as I am completely skint. I cannot spend any money for a long, long time. But I hope in what follows, I may describe the gay old time we had in Minneapolis--the dominant twin to St. Paul (to which we never made it).

I landed at the MSP airport around five o'clock which made it quite fun driving into downtown during rush hour traffic. My cab fare was also quite expensive. I've rather enjoyed driving my own car again. I guess I was hoping the airport would be closer like it was last year in Louisville where the airport was only $18 dollars away. My cab fare--including tip--came to $40 and I knew already that the $200 cash I had withdrawn before my trip was not going to hold out for long. I eventually made it up to my room at the Hyatt-Regency which I suppose works out fine for a convention hotel, but I would never stay there again, and I met up with Rae. We went out for the evening and stopped at the W hotel where we ordered fancy cocktails in the art deco lounge. I enjoyed a delicious martini--made with gin of course--and it's the only acceptable martini I've ever had at a bar, thank you Utah! We took a cab, which I didn't feel was totally necessary as it wasn't that cold outside. Or at least it wasn't as cold as I had expected Minnesota to be in March. (It only snowed lightly once and didn't stick.) Sarah made it to our room late that night and a giggly time was had by all (but mostly by Rae and Sarah). We watched some terribly inappropriate and hilarious videos on YouTube including such works as Jizz in My Pants, a Durex commercial, and Let Me Borrow That Top Betch! the latest(?) video from Kelly from Shoes fame (Teaser: "Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery"). We also got a new catch phrase/inside joke, "I'll cut you, bitch!" (alternately: "I will cut you, bitch.") courtesy of Sarah and her family. It still makes me laugh.

The next day the convention started and the first session I went to was about Virginia Woolf whom I adore. The thing to understand is that the STD Convention is largely attended by women and of few the men present--most of them are gay. Thus everybody must love feminist theory. Now I love feminism as much as the next (gay) guy, but I have to admit that I'm a little tired of every critical paper utilizing feminist theory. It's a fine theory, but aren't there other things to talk about too? Anyway, during the Virginia Woolf session I developed some barely-contained, self-righteous Harold Bloomian anger.

We went to dinner at Brit's Pub which was right down the street. It was a lovely pub and they had cold, delicious Guinness on tap which made me quite happy. I also tried Rae's Jameson Irish Whiskey and that was quite good too. I had the Cornish Pastie which was freaking delicious and made me sad that I didn't have a pastie when I was actually in London.
After dinner we went to hear Alexandra Fuller speak and that was delightful, hilarious, and honest. She is so effortlessly elegant and beautiful and just a fabulous person to boot. Her mother's British, but she grew up on her family's farm in Rhodesia during Independence and other wars and civil strife. She wrote a memoir of her childhood in Africa entitled Let's Not Go to the Dogs Tonight which I bought and am quite excited to read. Her latest book, from which she read, is called Legend of Colton H. Bryant the true story of one of Wyoming's sons who came of age in the oil fields that eventually killed him. I was shocked to learn that oil companies are exempt from a lot of taxes, safety regulations, and other legal stuff like that which is horrific.

The next day we got lunch at Hell's Kitchen (NOT the one of TV fame) which is a well-known Minneapolis (and Duluth) eatery. I had the French Dip sandwich which was divine, or as Sarah called it, "An orgasm in my mouth." The service was not so great--as it seemed to be all over Minneapolis--but the food was so damn good. Let me also briefly mention here that there were lots of attractive men--they sure grow them cute in Minneapolis. Everybody looked so nice and well-dressed.

That night Neil Fucking Gaiman gave a reading--which was fabulous--and then signed books. He signed books for over three hours--poor man--after all this was like a mecca of English nerds and all their copies of Sandman and whatnot. He drew a lovely image of a bird-like angel under the story "Murder Mysteries" in my copy of Smoke and Mirrors. There's a graphic novel of Murder Mysteries which I cannot find, but that was the first Gaiman I was exposed to in Intro to Theory. And then I found Smoke and Mirrors which was equally delightful and odd. I also had him sign my copy of the Sandman with "Hi By the Way" which comes from this excellent Tori Amos lyric, "if you need me, me and neil'll be / hangin' out with DREAM KING / neil says hi by the way." And it's perfect because he signed it in the middle of the book, so I was reading along and then suddenly it says, "Hi By the Way."

On Saturday night after the semi-lame convention dinner, all of us, except the other two mos, went to the Gay '90s which is a gay club in Minneapolis. The biggest draw is their drag queen entertainment which was AWESOME! We took a limo there which was fun but a little anti-climatic and also surprisingly cheap! We had a blast. We also danced, lay on the (sex) couches, and caught sight of a couple of male go-go dancers. We got back late and slept in Sunday morning before check-out. We went back to Hell's Kitchen to get some delicious breakfast. I had Huevos Rancheros which I'd never had before but were amazing. Here Sarah and I are in Hell.
After breakfast we had some time to kill before we had to get to the airport so we found a gay novelty shop called Rainbow Road--which I believe in the best way to spend a Sunday. It was also a bit of an education for Sarah.

Rae and I took a town car to the airport which was very nice. When I arrived I discovered that the flight I had scheduled was actually for the day before. I panicked and almost cried before rescheduling a direct flight for $150 which was a lot of money but I guess not as much as it could have been. In some ways it was worth it not to be stuck in Denver for four hours. I would still like to go back to Minneapolis one day, maybe with a rental car, and see more of the city. We hardly saw anything. Nor did we make it to the Best Bar in America or any of the many museums and cultural spots or St. Paul. Alas and alack. Nevertheless, we did have a splendid time and it was so great to see my old friends from SUU. I miss you all!