neil says hi by the way

I just got back from Minneapolis, where I attended an STD Convention, and while I'm sad to be back in cold, wintry Salt Lake and back at work, it's also a good thing as I am completely skint. I cannot spend any money for a long, long time. But I hope in what follows, I may describe the gay old time we had in Minneapolis--the dominant twin to St. Paul (to which we never made it).

I landed at the MSP airport around five o'clock which made it quite fun driving into downtown during rush hour traffic. My cab fare was also quite expensive. I've rather enjoyed driving my own car again. I guess I was hoping the airport would be closer like it was last year in Louisville where the airport was only $18 dollars away. My cab fare--including tip--came to $40 and I knew already that the $200 cash I had withdrawn before my trip was not going to hold out for long. I eventually made it up to my room at the Hyatt-Regency which I suppose works out fine for a convention hotel, but I would never stay there again, and I met up with Rae. We went out for the evening and stopped at the W hotel where we ordered fancy cocktails in the art deco lounge. I enjoyed a delicious martini--made with gin of course--and it's the only acceptable martini I've ever had at a bar, thank you Utah! We took a cab, which I didn't feel was totally necessary as it wasn't that cold outside. Or at least it wasn't as cold as I had expected Minnesota to be in March. (It only snowed lightly once and didn't stick.) Sarah made it to our room late that night and a giggly time was had by all (but mostly by Rae and Sarah). We watched some terribly inappropriate and hilarious videos on YouTube including such works as Jizz in My Pants, a Durex commercial, and Let Me Borrow That Top Betch! the latest(?) video from Kelly from Shoes fame (Teaser: "Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery"). We also got a new catch phrase/inside joke, "I'll cut you, bitch!" (alternately: "I will cut you, bitch.") courtesy of Sarah and her family. It still makes me laugh.

The next day the convention started and the first session I went to was about Virginia Woolf whom I adore. The thing to understand is that the STD Convention is largely attended by women and of few the men present--most of them are gay. Thus everybody must love feminist theory. Now I love feminism as much as the next (gay) guy, but I have to admit that I'm a little tired of every critical paper utilizing feminist theory. It's a fine theory, but aren't there other things to talk about too? Anyway, during the Virginia Woolf session I developed some barely-contained, self-righteous Harold Bloomian anger.

We went to dinner at Brit's Pub which was right down the street. It was a lovely pub and they had cold, delicious Guinness on tap which made me quite happy. I also tried Rae's Jameson Irish Whiskey and that was quite good too. I had the Cornish Pastie which was freaking delicious and made me sad that I didn't have a pastie when I was actually in London.
After dinner we went to hear Alexandra Fuller speak and that was delightful, hilarious, and honest. She is so effortlessly elegant and beautiful and just a fabulous person to boot. Her mother's British, but she grew up on her family's farm in Rhodesia during Independence and other wars and civil strife. She wrote a memoir of her childhood in Africa entitled Let's Not Go to the Dogs Tonight which I bought and am quite excited to read. Her latest book, from which she read, is called Legend of Colton H. Bryant the true story of one of Wyoming's sons who came of age in the oil fields that eventually killed him. I was shocked to learn that oil companies are exempt from a lot of taxes, safety regulations, and other legal stuff like that which is horrific.

The next day we got lunch at Hell's Kitchen (NOT the one of TV fame) which is a well-known Minneapolis (and Duluth) eatery. I had the French Dip sandwich which was divine, or as Sarah called it, "An orgasm in my mouth." The service was not so great--as it seemed to be all over Minneapolis--but the food was so damn good. Let me also briefly mention here that there were lots of attractive men--they sure grow them cute in Minneapolis. Everybody looked so nice and well-dressed.

That night Neil Fucking Gaiman gave a reading--which was fabulous--and then signed books. He signed books for over three hours--poor man--after all this was like a mecca of English nerds and all their copies of Sandman and whatnot. He drew a lovely image of a bird-like angel under the story "Murder Mysteries" in my copy of Smoke and Mirrors. There's a graphic novel of Murder Mysteries which I cannot find, but that was the first Gaiman I was exposed to in Intro to Theory. And then I found Smoke and Mirrors which was equally delightful and odd. I also had him sign my copy of the Sandman with "Hi By the Way" which comes from this excellent Tori Amos lyric, "if you need me, me and neil'll be / hangin' out with DREAM KING / neil says hi by the way." And it's perfect because he signed it in the middle of the book, so I was reading along and then suddenly it says, "Hi By the Way."

On Saturday night after the semi-lame convention dinner, all of us, except the other two mos, went to the Gay '90s which is a gay club in Minneapolis. The biggest draw is their drag queen entertainment which was AWESOME! We took a limo there which was fun but a little anti-climatic and also surprisingly cheap! We had a blast. We also danced, lay on the (sex) couches, and caught sight of a couple of male go-go dancers. We got back late and slept in Sunday morning before check-out. We went back to Hell's Kitchen to get some delicious breakfast. I had Huevos Rancheros which I'd never had before but were amazing. Here Sarah and I are in Hell.
After breakfast we had some time to kill before we had to get to the airport so we found a gay novelty shop called Rainbow Road--which I believe in the best way to spend a Sunday. It was also a bit of an education for Sarah.

Rae and I took a town car to the airport which was very nice. When I arrived I discovered that the flight I had scheduled was actually for the day before. I panicked and almost cried before rescheduling a direct flight for $150 which was a lot of money but I guess not as much as it could have been. In some ways it was worth it not to be stuck in Denver for four hours. I would still like to go back to Minneapolis one day, maybe with a rental car, and see more of the city. We hardly saw anything. Nor did we make it to the Best Bar in America or any of the many museums and cultural spots or St. Paul. Alas and alack. Nevertheless, we did have a splendid time and it was so great to see my old friends from SUU. I miss you all!

Politically Incorrect

Sometimes, I'm driving along in my car when I think, "I'm glad I'm white." And then I feel very politically incorrect. This happened yesterday when I heard this story on NPR. Persons of East Asian descent may be at a greater risk for alcohol-caused esophageal cancer. The so-called "Asian Glow" or alcohol flush reaction is caused by a deficiency in enzymes that break down alcohol and which can lead to this deadly cancer. So thank god the Europeans have been drinking since the dawn of history. As a side fact, the two ethnic groups who consume the most alcohol in the US are whites and Native Americans.

British comedy is genius. Megan already posted this on her blog, but I couldn't resist copying her. Remember those bad science videos we had to watch in school? Yeah, this is like those, but not.

Tweet--A Few Short Thoughts

Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a Twitter account. I have lots of thoughts throughout the day and often feel like sharing them even though most people couldn't care less. I also feel self-conscious about updating my Facebook status constantly--that's just not cool. But at the same time, I personally don't believe in Twitter. In some ways I feel that it represents everything wrong with the new media--instant, shallow, mass communication. If you can call it communication. Nevertheless, I have had the urge to tweet, and thought why not do it on my blog because I already have one of those, and I do believe in blogging.

I just had one of those new Roast Burgers from Arby's and it was delicious. I had the Bacon and Blue last week, and today I had a coupon for a free roast burger with the purchase of a drink (sweet deal!) and got the Bacon Cheddar which was more delicious than the first. Basically though, all it is is an Arby's roast beef sandwich with toppings--mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, bacon, and cheese. It's nice, but it's not earth-shaking. Anyway, you should be able to find this coupon online, and why not try the roast burger yourself for the price of a soft drink.

Today I finished The Custom of the Country by Edith Wharton, and even though it took me over a month to read it, I still feel very accomplished. It's not every day that I finish a 500+ page canonical novel. Once a book passes the 250-page mark, I become a little wary about my chances of finishing (or even starting) it. Anyway, I love Wharton--her subject and her style--and The Custom of the Country is generally considered her finest novel. It's about an American woman, Undine, who marries a sequence of men with monstrous avidity. Our unsympathetic, frequently exasperating, protagonist is perpetually seeking something more than she has, never pleased with her current circumstances. Anyway, it's a interesting novel of society and I recommend it if you enjoy Wharton's work or that style of literature.

This weekend I watched The Counterfeiters and Amores Perros. I was planning to also catch Waltz with Bashir but that just didn't happen this weekend, which is too bad because I like the rule of three. I desperately want to see Waltz before it leaves the Broadway. Anyway, I didn't much care for The Counterfeiters. In some ways I felt like "Oh, another Holocaust movie," which is a shame. The Holocaust was a horrific event, and yet with every artsy film that comes out concerning it, I feel it becomes a little more remote and anesthetized. I feel the film failed to connect with our emotional core, and I didn't feel that there was very much tension or suspense. It raised, or attempted to raise, some moral questions, but I was never very invested in their resolution. This is perhaps because I never connected with any of the characters. It was based on a true story--a fascinating, largely unknown piece of history, but the execution fell flat. I enjoyed Amorres Perros (Love's a Bitch) more, but wasn't blown away by it. Mostly I felt it was too long. It's an anthology of three somewhat interconnected stories. I was fascinated by the first story with Gael Garcia Bernal, but was not very interested in the other two stories. I did like the motif of dogs that played throughout the movie.

I spent far too much money this weekend. On Saturday I purchased the third and fourth seasons of Sex and the City on an impulse. They had the seasons at Smith's for $20 each, and I decided to go for it. They were already out of seasons one and five (but that's okay because they're both shorter seasons, and the first one kinda sucked). I had recently seen season two, and I don't believe in how season six is sold in two separate parts. I'm also learning that I missed the first part of season three because I don't remember any of the episodes--Ellen probably watched them without me. So I made the right choice. I also purchased some lovely clothes at Aeropostale with my sister. A number of items were already 50% off and then I had a coupon for an additional 30% off my entire purchased. So I spent $60 when it would normally have cost me $140. Boo-ya baby! Unfortunately, they're warm, casual, springy clothes that won't help me so much in Minneapolis this weekend. And it snowed here today.

Anyway, those were just a few thoughts I wanted to get off my chest. I suppose a Twitter page would force me to keep my thoughts short and sweet. After all, brevity is the soul of wit, a phrase I clearly don't put any stock into. Happy snowy Monday to everyone!

P.S. I just found this video on YouTube which explains Twitter perfectly.

How Do They Do It?

Two of my major loves involve eating and sleeping, and when it comes to the morning and breakfast, sleeping always beats eating. My mom, godloveher, still makes breakfast every morning (which she never did, by the by, when I was in high school). Now this includes waffles twice a week and cold cereal at least once a week, and never French toast or buttermilk pancakes which I must say are what I like. I used to love waffles but my breakfastlessness high-school days have somehow turned me against them, and I never liked cold cereal--it's lame. German pancakes are another breakfast staple in my house which I also detest. Now it wasn't my goal to complain here. What I wanted to say is that when there's nothing I want to eat, I usually skip breakfast--or at the very most have a piece of toast and a cup of juice--nothing substantial. And then I'm rushing off to work where lately I've frequently been a few--or several--minutes late. And as you all know, I am Mr. Punctual. My love for sleeping in as long as possible in the morning keeps me from getting up early enough to make or go out to breakfast--which is a shame because I love breakfast foods. Well I love French toast and buttermilk pancakes and bacon and eggs, not so much waffles or cereal. And so I was reading an article in GQ about the best breakfasts from coast to coast, and it made me hungry. It also made me wonder: who are these people who go out to breakfast every day before hitting the office? It's so confusing to me, me who will do anything for a few more minutes of sleep. I don't even have enough time to grab a cup of coffee on my way to work which is a real shame. I am simply nonplussed.

Anyway, I'm heading off to Minneapolis next weekend for the STD convention and I'm very excited. I'm also expecting some rad T-shirts. Anyway, even though I will be in vacation mode (i.e., getting plenty tired and emotional), I'm hoping to wake up early enough to hit some fabulous local breakfast places with my friends before sessions and panels start.

The Hunting of the Snark

A blog brought to you by poetry. I just heard, or reheard really, the final lines of Whitman's Song of Myself: "Missing me in one place search another, / I stop somewhere waiting for you." I first heard these lines from Angels in America and Walt Whitman really is an American prophet. Anyway, I love those lines so and wanted to share them with you. Or remind you of them, as I'm sure you've all read/heard them before.

I've been catching up on my RadioWest podcasts, and first of all I cannot even imagine how much people like Doug Fabrizio have to read. In nearly every episode he carries on an intelligent, hour-long dialogue with one person, usually discussing that person's latest book, and this is usual on NPR programs. Recently, he had David Denby on who is a movie critic from NYC and they were discussing his book Snark: It's Mean, It's Personal, and It's Ruining Our Conversation. Snark is another wonderful word we owe to Lewis Carroll and his sublime "nonsense" poem The Hunting of the Snark: An Agony in Eight Fits. In the poem the mysterious and elusive Snark turns out to be a dread Boojum that swallows the Baker whole.

What Denby wanted to talk about was that snark is so pervasive in our Internet Age and Blog Culture and it's a travesty. Denby is not an adversary of comedy, quite the opposite. For example he is a fan of satire, even acidic, Juvenalian satire a la Jonathan Swift. Good satire is complex, ironic, intelligent, funny and takes a strong position on an aspect of society. Snark, on the other hand, is cheap, cowardly, shallow, and bulimic. It takes something in and throws up a quick quip--it has ingested nothing and therefore contributes nothing. It cannot add to our conversation or create a dialogue, whereas satire adds to our culture.

Snark lives notoriously in the blog culture behind handles and anonymous profiles. In the largely unregulated cyberspace, bloggers can post nasty, even libelous information about anyone (friends, family, neighbors, strangers) which can be quite damaging to anyone's character or reputation upon a Google search. And we've all seen comment sections where a lovely exchange of dialogue is occurring, but eventually some random person will post a vicious comment completely derailing everything--and the comments will forever go on as a very divisive, polemic, personal "debate." And this is the whole problem with snark. It's mean and it's personal. It doesn't attack content but quips about the person instead, and it's never constructive but always destructive criticism. It doesn't create a dialogue but polarizes people. The Ann Coulters and Bill O'Reillys are our snarkers-in-chief. Their goal is not to create an open conversation of ideas, but to energize the right (or left) and snark about the other side spewing venom and contributing nothing.

The other problem is that it's so pervasive in our culture. In the mid to late eighties, televised news started to be scored like a movie, and we all know that news today is a production--it's entertainment. Seinfeld also came out which is admittedly a funny show, but taught us that we must shun earnestness in a quest for self-deprecating humor. The show was also famously about nothing. If something is about nothing then all it has got to say is a lot about nothing, and how is that helpful? And the media is so terrified of being ten seconds behind that it refuses to research and edit and provide in-depth coverage and analysis, but produces sound bites which is bulimic news.

And so we live in an age of irony and snarkiness. People who have written successful blogs and then gone on to write books and articles for magazines and whatnot have often capitalized on snark. This in turn has inspired a generation of bloggers looking to became journalists and freelance writers to snark away. Another component to snark is that it's easy to do and we all enjoy it. We think it's funny, but snark isn't even particularly witty. It's certainly not thoughtful or intelligent. I've been guilty of snark. I am frequently glib, which can be just as superficial, but it's much more innocuous. Glibness is not usually mean or personal, and while it may not significantly contribute to our conversation, I don't think it's destroying it. Nevertheless, we could all use a little more depth and thought. Snark has created partisan, shallow, sound bite politics, and I think with the advent of Obama we could all use a little more earnestness and a lot less snark. Or we may not like where we find ourselves:

In the midst of the word he was trying to say,
In the midst of his laughter and glee,
He had softly and suddenly vanished away--
For the Snark was a Boojum you see.

Triple Threat

Tonight I was watching 30 Rock and I would like to thank Jack Donoghue (aka Alec Baldwin) for explaining why I seem to be the consummate consumer. He alludes to the holy trinity of marketing which comprises college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals. Check, check, and check. So maybe technically I only belong to one group, but it often feels like all three.

I also love the new MasterCard priceless ad that was aired during the Superbowl which features the Morton Salt Girl, the Vlassic Stork, the Jolly Green Giant, Mr. Clean, Charlie the Tuna, the Pillsbury Doughboy and others. (Alas, I cannot find it anywhere on YouTube.) I'm such a whore for brand names and advertisements.

Finally, I think it's fascinating that now when the economy is in the slumps, consumers have finally started to learn the lesson of saving money--at the exact same moment they should be spending their money. Ideally, we should save money when the economy is booming and spending money when it's . . . busting? But in the real world we consumers do quite the opposite. Just a thought.

Share the Love

My sister and her husband are coming down to Bountiful today as it's USU's Spring Break. And I would just like to say that I want a spring break too! I know I'm not going to school, but I would like to take a week off from work. Really, it's kind of ridiculous--I only work part-time and it's a pretty cushy job that I generally enjoy, but still... And I know that most students still have to work that week anyway (unless they have an awesome job like working in the Writing Center! or another school job). And maybe that's why I'm bummed, because I do work at a university, but I still have to work next week which is when the U takes its break.

I also picked up my first actual shift at the City Library for Wednesday. My training was not very involved, so it will be most exciting as I have only the vaguest, faintest notion of what I am actually supposed to do. But I love it so. I went in today to see if they had my name badge yet (No!) and to pick up even more books. I got the Annotated Alice which begins my preparation for Tim Burton's Alice movie coming out next spring. In a surprising and twisted way, I'm excited for the movie. I think Anne Hathaway's role as the White Queen is doing wonders to allay my fears. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are of course starring as the the Mad Matter and the Queen of Hearts (or is the Red Queen?) respectively. The Disney film terrified me as a child (I much preferred the Care Bears version) and subsequently I never actually read the books. Now as an adult and Harold Bloom's disciple, I am quite intrigued. I also picked up John Crowley's Little, Big and The Solitudes which is the first book of the AEgpyt Cycle, both of which Bloom has called the finest unread fantasies of the twentieth century. I'm thinking perhaps I should wait on Little, Big and recommend it for book club instead. We'll see. Additionally, I got a copy of Hans Christian Andersen's Fairy Tales (I've been very into fairy tales lately) and The Counterfeiters which won the Best Picture Foreign Language film last year (it's a Holocaust film--go figure). I'm quite excited!

Anyway, I logged onto Facebook today and saw that six of my friends recently joined the group Stop HBO From Showing LDS Temple Ceremonies or something like that. I even had received an invitation to join the group which I immediately ignored. But I was intrigued and visited the group's page. It concerns of course the HBO original series Big Love which features a polygamous family living in contemporary Salt Lake City. And supposedly on an upcoming episode they will be portraying a temple-like ceremony on the show. I say supposedly because there's been some discussion that this is blatantly untrue. When Big Love first premiered it caused a minor uproar here in Utah because Mormons are very touchy about their history of polygamy--actually they're very touchy about their history in general (while not caring so much about others' histories). This is perhaps an unfair statement, but it does reflect my own general notions. They are also very protective of their temples and what happens there not because its secret per se, but because it's sacred to them. Now I respect that, but at the same time I feel that HBO has the right to do pretty much whatever it wants to do.

First of all, I am greatly biased by my deep and abiding love of HBO series. Secondly, it's called free speech. Finally, I have seen several episodes of Big Love (mostly because Ellen was deeply fascinated and borderline addicted in college) and it's a well-done show. Ginnifer Goodwin and Chloe Sevigny are excellent! I feel that even if Big Love were to show such a ceremony it would be done quite tastefully and as something very important and sacred to these characters. It would not be done in jest or in a way that made light of it (this is not Monty Python or Bill Maher.) I'm sure Mormons will still be very upset if this does happen, but my knee-jerk reaction is tough beans.

I also want to take a moment to talk about my love of Six Feet Under--another HBO series. I've been watching the third season, and I've realized that I previously stopped watching sometime during the second season because a lot of stuff has happened that I don't remember. Nevertheless, I love it so. I also love Rachel Griffiths as Brenda and I'm sure she is coming back for good sometime. She's so much better than Nate's current wife Lisa--blah. That's not Lili Taylor's fault; it's just the character. Anyway, all the characters are odd and a little off center but still deeply human. The dialogue is the way people actually speak in real life. There are some great camera shots and cuts which always make movies and television better and more visually interesting. But most of all, I love the portrait of a deeply dysfunctional family who is learning to grow. The growth is slow and sometimes quite painful and frequently the characters backslide--just like real people. But it's a family learning how to be a family, and it's amazing. I know Six Feet Under isn't the same show as Big Love but I feel that if it's serious, artistic television about real families being used for good then I don't really care if they show a temple ceremony. But then again, I'm not a Mormon anymore.

Clickety Clack

Today I heard this story on NPR Morning Edition and I decided that I, too, want a manual typewriter. I love the clackety sound typewriters make which is probably why I love the score from Atonement including the song "With My Own Eyes" featured on the playlist to your left which features the sound of a typewriter. And every typewriter makes it's own unique sound which is neat. I think a manual typewriter that's cute or interesting-looking makes an awesome gift (I want one in red), and owning one makes someone a little eccentric, and I'm always trying to cultivate my own eccentricity (I also want a teddy-bear named Aloysius.) I think this part of the story is what also intrigues me with regards to the typewriter:

"It might be a paradox, but a number of Silicon Valley computer folks have bought typewriters from Sansone. Sure, they miss the spell-check and save keys, but they like seeing how machines work. They like the sounds. They even like X-ing out words instead of hitting a delete key. And, Arora says, there's something else.

'It shows you the journey, how you arrived. That is where we miss with the latest technology — you miss the process,' he says. 'To me, the journey is more important than the destination.'"

I thin my mom has a typewriter somewhere--she was once a secretary and typist. But as I recall, it's not nearly as neat as the one pictured above. I should dig it at anyhow. Of course, I don't think I would use it very often, if at all, but it could still function as decor or a conversation piece.

Today after work at the library, I stopped at the other library where I work. If you've never been to the Main Branch of The City Library, you really need to check it out. Not only is it a top-rated functioning library, but it's a tourist destination too. It's billed number two in the state, right after Temple Square and before Zion National Park. Anyway, I love the fact that I work there, even though I haven't picked up an actual shift there yet. But today I went and checked out my own books--one of the many perks working there including no late fees. I picked up Slam by Nick Hornby because we're reading it for book group, The Big Oyster by Mark Kurlansky because it caught my eye when our group was looking at history books, The Complete Poems of Hart Crane (with an introduction by Harold Bloom!) because I've been into him lately, and the complete third season of Six Feet Under. Back in college I watched the first season and most of the second season, I may have even started the third, but I no longer recall. So it was just sitting there on a cart, and I thought, why not start watching it again. I also love that I could check the entire season at once instead of disc by disc like at a movie rental store. It will be odd, however, to see Michael C. Hall play a gay mortician once more after seeing his role as a serial killer on Dexter.

Sunday Playlist

Yesterday, I went to buy some shoes at the Fashion Place Mall, and I'm happy to inform you that the parking lot was packed and there were tons of people everywhere. However, I was not accosted by crazy people trying to sell me Dead Sea beauty products or wireless phones--always a plus. I was a little less happy later that night trying to find parking downtown so I could see a play my friends were in. Nary a parking spot was to be found, and I thought so much for the damn recession! It was one of those glib thoughts I have, like when it's freezing cold outside and one wonders what ever happened to global warming. The recession and global warming are both real and serious, but some days it's difficult to find the symptoms.

Yesterday, after buying some shoes (yay!), I stopped by Ellen's apartment because I needed her to approve my purchases so I could feel good about myself. I usually see Ellen only once a month or so, but dropping by her place spur of the moment and chatting for a couple of hours felt like the most natural thing in the world--just like we were back in college. Her husband came home and we all continued talking and it was delightful. And we already have a playdate for next weekend.

So now to the meat of this post. I've had a Sunday playlist for a couple of years now, and for no real reason I felt like putting it up here. It mostly consists of my confessional female singer/songwriters (Tori Amos, Alanis Morissette, Sarah McLachlan, etc.) appropriating the patriarchal symbols and codified structures of religion for their own ends. But as well all know from Foucault, whenever we attack a power structure such an act recognizes and legitimizes said power structure. But I don't feel Amos and Morissette are trying to destroy religion, their endgame is simply to subvert religious symbols and create a space for their own worship. It's what I wrote my thesis on. Except SUU's English Department doesn't have a thesis program, but it was my final project/paper for Advanced Critical Methods so I feel it's very thesis-like (that and my final Shakespeare paper). I've never felt that it is an anti-religion playlist, just an alternative religious whathaveyou. It's not very balanced or cohesive--if a song is somehow religious or even just mentions Sunday then it's on here. For example, there's a couple of musical song numbers. I like to listen to it on shuffle, so it's listed here in no particular order.

"Crucify" Tori Amos--This is one of my all-time favorite songs. Out of so much goodness my favorite line is probably "I know a cat named Easter / He says will you ever learn / You're just an empty cage girl / If you kill the bird," and the chorus features "I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets / Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets." In the end, the song is about learning to stop crucifying oneself, especially in a patriarchal Christian religion where women have been culturally subjugated for Eve's sin. It is important to note that Amos is the rebellious daughter of a North Carolina pastor, and she has personally had to work through a great deal of shame which frequently shades her lyrics.

"Building a Mystery" Sarah McLachlan--This is another favorite. I love the mention of all sorts of religions from vampires to rasta, from voodoo to "a cross from a faith that died / Before Jesus came." I just love the idea of this man who is building a mystery cobbled together from bits and pieces of other religions.

"Father Lucifer" Tori Amos--"Father Lucifer / You never looked so sane / You always did prefer the drizzle to the rain." My favorite part of this song is the gorgeous bridge. Amos tells us that this song came after a drug trip with a South American shaman where she had a cup of tea with Lucifer. When she says Lucifer she's talking about darkness and shadow and understanding that; she's not talking about Satanism. Personally I love the idea that Lucifer is our natural father which reminds me a good deal of the story "Young Goodman Brown" by Nathaniel Hawthorne. My second favorite part is this line: "He didn't see me watching / From the aeroplane / He wiped a tear / And then he threw away our appleseed."

"Pie Jesu" Andrew Lloyd Weber--this is from Weber's Requiem preformed by Sarah Brightman and Paul Miles-Kingston. I know there are many other versions of "Pie Jesu," but I really enjoy this one. I also love some good soprano singing.

"Body and Soul" Tori Amos--I love this song because Amos is says "Come and kneel with me Body AND Soul." Many religions tell us that our bodies are wicked and are trying to keep our souls from reaching a state of grace, and Amos is trying to subvert this soul|body dichotomy. The chorus leads off with "Seven devils bring them on / I have left my weapons / Cause I think you're wrong / these devils of yours they need love." And I love the end: "I'll save you from that Sunday sermon / Boy I think you need a conversion / Body and Soul."

"Past the Mission" Tori Amos--I think this best shows what Amos is trying to do: beyond organized patriarchal religion, there is a free space and there is hope. It's a great music video too. "Past the mission / They're closing every hour / Past the mission / I smell the roses." It reminds me of e.e. cummings's Tulips and Chimneys--the contrast between phallic structures and yonic symbols. I also love this line "Hey they found a body / Not sure it was his / But they're using his name." This reminds me of the Council of Nicea where they decided on the divinity of Jesus. To me it's like"Hey, there's this guy named Yeshua, we don't know a whole lot about him except for these unreliable and contradictory accounts written by some random people, but let's make these (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) official and the rest apocryphal, and let's make this man the Christ the Son of God, and get on with this religion because it suits us politically." Wow, if that's not a charged statement, I don't know what is. Um, so let's move on . . .

"Samson" Regina Spektor--I love this song! I think it's another instance where a woman is trying to reclaim the story of Delilah or possibly someone else. "Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth / ... / The Bible didn't mention us / Not even once." It's like the Delilah story presented to us in the Bible is so different from what actually happened that it's unrecognizable. Of course the narrator could be someone completely different from Delilah: "You are my sweetest downfall / I loved you first." I love the idea that Samson causes the downfall of this woman (or man) instead of the other way around. Take that Samson Agonistes!

"Happy Phantom" Tori Amos--a delightful rumination on death and the afterlife. "And if I die today / I'll be the HAPPY phantom / And I'll go chasin' / Nuns out in the yard / ... / The HAPPY phantom / Has no right to bitch." It also features a darker reflection "The sun is getting dim / Will we pay for who we been." And I love this religious imagery: "There's Judy Garland / Taking Buddha by the hand / ... /They say Confucius / Does his crossword with a pen / I'm still the angel / To a girl who hates to SIN."

"Forgiven" Alanis Morissette--This is a great song from an artist who happens to have been raised a Catholic. I think I can sum up the gist of this song with these lyrics: "I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man / My brothers they never went blind for what they did / But I may as well have / In the name of the Father, the Skeptic, and the Son."

"Into the Fire" Sarah McLachlan--This is another song about reclaiming Eve. "Open the doors that lead on into Eden / Don't want no cheap disguise / I follow the signs marked back to the beginning / No more compromise." I like this because McLachlan seems to be saying we need to go all the way back to Genesis to get everything right again, and the feminist fight implied with "no more compromise." The lyrics also state "Into the fire / I am the spark" which is the very Gnostic (and American) idea of a person's inner divinity.

"Hallelujah" Jeff Buckley--written by Leonard Cohen and it's such a great song. The Buckley cover was notably used in The West Wing episode "Posse Comitatus." I also love the Rufus Wainwright version which I first heard on the Shrek soundtrack and was forever only available from iTunes as part of the The L Word album only. But now it's been released as a single and I'm downloading it right now! Anyway, I love how it uses the stories of King David and Samson, and in the Wainwright cover he changes "And the holy dove was moving too" to "And the holy dark was moving too" which is fantastic. Both covers are great!

"Tourniquet" Evanescence--I used to love this (Christian metal) band for a couple of years in college, but I hardly listen to them now. Anyway the cover of this song is written from the POV of someone who just committed suicide and it questions the controversy in Christianity if those who commit suicide go straight to Hell even if they accept Christ at the very end.

"Tell Me on a Sunday" Sarah Brightman--This is a show tune from the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical Song & Dance. A woman is telling her current lover that when he leaves her, she wants him to "Take me to a park that's covered with trees / Tell me on a Sunday please." Anyway, it's a beautiful and sad song.

"God" Tori Amos--This is possibly her most inflammatory song. "God sometimes you just don't come through / Do you need a woman to look after you." Amos says she's searching for the goddess in this song. I love this line: "A few witches burning gets a little toasty here / I gotta find why you always go when the wind blows."

"Icicle" Tori Amos--This is a wonderful song, and I love the audacity when Amos finds a spiritual connection by masturbating. That sex and god are linked is not a new idea, but it's one that's often excluded (or at least specifically limited) in Western/Christian theology. "When they say 'Take of His body' / I think I'll take from mine instead / Getting off, getting off while they're all downstairs / Singing prayers, sing away, He's in my pumpkin p.j.'s / Lay your Book on my chest / Feel the Word."

"Still" Alanis Morissette--This is from the Dogma soundtrack, a movie in which Miss Morissette plays God. In the song she is singing as God who is all things to all people. She sees everything including all the terrible things that people do to each other but she loves us still. It also reminds me of this bit from Will & Grace where Jack has a button that reads "God is coming and She is pissed!" and Karen laughs, "God is a woman . . . it's funny 'cause it's blasphemous."

Holy cow! (no pun intended), this was a freaking long blog. I need to learn how Megan keeps her playlist blogs so short. I think if you finished this, you should leave me comment, however brief, to let me know you're a trooper. Anyway, I hope this was interesting, and I hope it didn't offend any of my religious friends. There are other Amos songs which contain religious imagery/meaning but these were the main ones. Also let me know of other songs I should put on my playlist. Maybe "Sunday Morning" by No Doubt? And I would love a great version of "Ave Maria." Shalom.